literature

Raised By Wolves

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londonrey's avatar
By
Published:
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Literature Text

s
eg
men
t
me like an orange
or maybe a grapefruit
somehow the latter seems more appropriate-
cos i bite back.

like

cancer.
oh, you know, cos it's always
cancer.

nothing romantic about it,
nothing romantic about t h i s

i loved you for your hair
now it's gone and
i.
am.
stuck.

    between
      this stale-air waiting room with plastic on the chairs instead of leather, well, i hate leather anyway so.
    and
      the barred walls of your crib



everysingleskincell that i've got is
swollen so i can't get this
---forsaken
band.
off.


in other words:
i can't leave and you
won't die and





i'm out of excuses for me,
i'm out of excuses to s t a y
running with unretractable claws
© 2011 - 2024 londonrey
Comments136
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captainmouse's avatar
The first few lines are great. I love how you come at the concept of "segmented". To me, this is a case of onomatopeia at its finest. You don't see onomatopeia used lot in poetry because it tends to be clumsy, almost brutish. Since you modified the concept of the literary device slightly and pulled it off smoothly, in a way that can easily be read and understood, brava.
The rest of the stanza is sweet to me - a little cheeky, a little quirky. I like that you found a way to shorted because to cos instead of cuz. The latter, more common shortening seems...inedpt. I don't take a poem as seriously after I find a word like cuz in it. But cos is much more elegant.

I like 5th as well, especially the last three lines.
i.
am.
stuck.

I like this, because the way you postition the words and punctuation...the only way I can describe it is like the flow of the poem gets caught her. Not one. Not two. But three times. stuck.

And then the second-to-last...ah. I think my favourite. It's such a raw feeling here - so short and simple, almost like the writer wants to get it out of their head as soon as possible, because they're ashamed of it. I can hear the voice this would be said in in my head. Throat a little bit tight, constricting the air and making all the words sound just a bit higher, just a bit weaker.
just a bit
more

desperate.

Another great one, London. Keep them coming.
-Frankie